One more thing -

- to sum it all up.

While bikini shopping:
"I´m Brazilian - I have a claustrophobic ass"
-you know who you are

xxxx

Saudade

Saudade. What is this mysterious Brazilian word all about anyway? I had heard about saudade before I even came to Brazil - always accompanied by "You can`t translate it." OK, so what does that mean? Maybe there´s no word in English that directly corresponds, but surely it can be defined in a sentence, right? Sure.

If you are going to Brazil, be forewarned: when you come back home, if you do, you will have added a few special words to your emotional vocabulary. You will join us in the group that knows the feeling yet cannot explain the meaning of the word...saudade. If you can explain it, you`ve made a poor translation. It has a place of its own, it changes you more than your vocabulary.

If you haven`t been somewhere but yearn to see it, you may be getting a glimpse of saudade. It means longing for someone or something, more or less in the realm of "I miss you," in English. Yet, it carries more than longing, more than missing. Yearning...a hole carved in one´s heart, a feeling which stands on its own as much as it permeates one´s whole being...It simply cannot be translated.

A Brazilian person has saudade or feels saudade. "Tenho saudades do Brasil" or "Sinto saudades"...portraits of a melancholic yet sweet longing. It transports me there when I say it.
-Neise Cavini Turchin, "Longing for Brazil."


Longing. Pining. Loss. My whole body knows that I have left Brazil.

Brazil feels like oxygen to me. It feels like a life-force, like a necessity for life. Brazil made me feel alive, more than ever. It gave me the most human moments that are to be had. It gave me love and friendship and life on the edge with enough risk to give you goosebumps that remind you that you are mortal, and that you need other people. I already knew that I need other people - relationships make the world go ´round - but Brazil gives you people who have the time and the heart to be your people...even if just for a week, or a day, or a moment.

The other night in Sao Paulo, my friend Fabio asked me what I will miss most about Brazil. I answered that in Brazil, people are not afraid to feel love, even if they know it´s not for forever. They are not afraid to cross that line, even if they know the moment will pass. They don´t think logically, as in "What´s the point of connecting with this American girl if I might never see her again?" No. Here, every moment is worth it. Let´s make this moment mean something, together. And then, when we part, let´s share in the moment and the feeling and the yearning of that loss. Let´s pine after that moment together, even when we are apart. Let us relish in saudade...together. It´s worth it. That is what I love about Brazil, and that is what I miss about Brazil...love and saudade start feeling the same. It is in the longing that we feel love, and in longing we come back again...it is in the ebb and flow that we feel alive.

So, to my Brazilian friends...endless thanks to all of you for this gift. I love you all, and I promise - I will come back again.

E SAUDADE QUE BATE NO MEU CORAÇÃO. -Jamil

The saudade that beats in my heart. Love always, Katie

Hospitality

I have been out of touch, I know, but it is only because I have been busy, not because I do not have a lot to say. I have so much to say! I am so lucky to have been plugged into a network of people here who have become my friends and allowed me to know Brazil the way I wanted to know it. I spent my time in Belo Horizonte, and now in São Paulo, without visiting a single tourist attraction listed in my guidebook about those cities. Instead, I have spent time around family dinner tables, watched novellas (Brazilian soap operas) with friends, gone shopping with the girls, experienced the flow of the Brazilian work day, visited the family beach house...I am so lucky.

To begin I must acknowledge the incredible graciousness of my aunt´s friend Helio and his family. It was Helio who arranged my trip to Salvador for Carnaval and introduced me to Nelsinho and the whole crowd up there. That gift has kept on giving, as I now feel like I have friends in every Brazilian city! When I visited Belo Horizonte, Helio´s family received me at their home and we had a lovely meal and excellent conversation. It felt so good to be in a real home after several weeks of traveling - and while battling my cold, it felt so good to be taken care of! Ana Catarina, Helio´s wife, promptly responded to my sniffles with tissues, extra strength Tylenol, and - this is amazing - Airbourne! Yes! That fizzy goodness that makes you feel so much better when you´re sick. You can´t get it in Brazil, but the family buys all of their medicine in the US when they´re visiting. Again, lucky lucky me. After dinner, we enjoyed coffee and dessert while watching a little bit of the Discovery Channel´s Planet Earth documentary - something my Dad would definitely enjoy. This whole evening was a little dose of home that was so good for the soul.

In Belo Horinzonte I was staying at Nelsinho´s apartment with his wonderful roommates Roberta, Melucia, and Leo. When I arrived, Nelsinho´s room had been prepared for me - he was to sleep in the living room - complete with gifts from the tourist bureau of Minas Gerais and homemade posters saying "Welcome Katie! Brazil is happy with your presence!" and "We wish you a beautiful horizon!" How amazing is that?! Nelsinho is so absolutely thoughtful and selfless, and his hospitality is overwhelming. After a good night´s sleep, Melucia made lunch for me, Betânea, and Patricia. Betânea you know about from Morro de São Paulo. Patricia is the official translator in Nelsinho´s office, and the person who he tasked with making sure I had everything I needed - including friendship - during my stay in Belo. Patricia did everything for me - she took me shopping, helped me ship a package home to the US, brought me to an organic health food restaurant, showed me the internet cafe, took me dancing at a nightclub, etc. She is such a lovely person - words can barely describe. She had just met me and yet cared so much about my happiness and experience in Brazil. Patricia made a bracelet that she gave me as we said goodbye - "to remember me...and to new friendship." Yes, to new friendship! I cannot wait to receive some of these folks in the US to repay their hospitality and enjoy their company once again.

Speaking of hospitality, I now move on to my incredible friend Claudinha, who I have been staying with for the past few days in São Paulo. Claudinha and I were roommates at Carnaval, and she insisted that I visit her in São Paulo before I left Brazil. When I was having trouble booking my flight, she booked it for me. When she read that I was craving a good salad, she set off to bring me to the best salad bar I have ever experienced in my life. She set me up in my own room at her adorable house with incredible bay windows. She asked her maid to do my laundry. She brought me to Starbucks and I had the best venti soy chai latte of my life. Oh...and then there´s her dreamy brother. What did I do to deserve all of this?!

After arriving in São Paulo on Friday, I took a taxi to Claudinha´s office (she is an architect who has her own business, distributing and installing home devices like water filters and towel heaters). We walked to a very swanky mall, had lunch, and did some window shopping - which is endlessly fascinating both for the people watching and fashion scoping. By the way, when I say swanky I mean swanky. There was a denim store selling ordinary 7 jeans for R$1000 - like $600. We then drove home to Claudinha´s house - a distance, by the way, that would have been easily walkable if we hadn´t been carrying nice bags and wearing nice clothes. I began to learn the ropes of home security in São Paulo - when you pull up to your driveway, you keep the car 40 feet back as the enormous gate opens. You watch, observe, and make sure no bad guys appear. If they do, you let them have the house and you speed off in the car. Otherwise, you pull in, wait until the enormous gate closes completely, and then disable your home alarm system (which you also keep active at night, by the way, meaning you better have enough water upstairs to last until morning or you will wake all of the neighbors.) The security at Claudinha´s parents´ lovely house is a whole other echelon all-together involving calling the street´s security guard from your cell phone as you drive up and asking him to open the gate. There is barbed wire involved. Once inside the gate, you feel like you are at Fallingwater in Pennsylvania, except that you need a key to open any window or sliding glass door - from the inside or outside. Brazil is a crazy, crazy place.

On Friday night at around 10PM, we did as the Paulistas do - we packed the car and headed to the beach for the weekend. More amazing Brazilian beach time! Claudinha´s family rents two houses all year long that are next to each other at Barra do Sahy beach, about two hours north of São Paulo. When you arrive, you park the car on the side of a dirt road and walk for ten minutes on a path through the "forest" before you arrive at the houses. I do not know what I was expecting from the "forest," but let me tell you - this was a tropical rain-forest. I do not think that I had ever been inside a rain-forest before - it is amazing! The vegetation is so incredibly lush and beautiful. It is humid as all hell, but before you know it you arrive at the most darling little tropical cottages with candles lit everywhere, colorful hammocks and pillows, and an amazing ocean breeze. In the morning I could finally see the beach - it is a gorgeous cove with a river running down from the hills along the north side and spilling into the ocean. You are surrounded by hills of rain-forest. There is a huge island visible right off the coast that people take boats to all day long. We had to wade through the river to get across to the beach! Um...I´m not in Kansas anymore. This ain´t no Jersey shore. I am constantly amazed by the variety we have on this incredible planet, and how many beautiful little spots are tucked away in all corners of the world. Being in nature is so illuminating. It is fascinating to think about the string of events that had to occur to create this place, and then to allow me to find myself here.

Yes people, I do have a little bit of a tan - not impressive by Brazilian standards, but just enough to give me some glow. I spent the weekend playing on the beach with Claudinha, her boyfriend Digo, and Digo´s sister Cy. There was also Claudinha´s brother Lú and his absolutely adorable twin three year old boys, Arthur and Gregório. Oh my goodness, the most precious children speaking the most adorable Portuguese. It was so special to have some family time and to see the love, care, and closeness that Brazilians have with their children. Everyone becomes a kid when kids are around, especially here. Between splashing around in the ocean, playing with sprinklers, eating lots of ice-cream, and watching cartoons, these kids had the best weekend ever and we were along for the ride. I also got to experience a full-on after-beach Brazilian barbecue with more friends - Luba, Cris and Nacache. Lú is a professional chef and the food was incredible. We topped the weekend off with a tropical rain storm - it didn´t last long, but it was the most spectacular rain I had ever seen. Such fun!!

I am back in São Paulo and will have a reunion with Tati, Carol, and others from Carnaval tonight. Then I am off to Iguaçu Falls tomorrow for the total lunar eclipse. Feeling so blessed and so fulfilled. Brazil, I´m in love.

Talk to you soon, many many beijos, Katie

Time Out!

Haha, well, there is a price for everything, isn´t there? You can´t expect to romp around Carnaval for 5 days and then romp around Morro for four days with minimal sleep, minimal nourishing food, and people constantly sweating on you/breathing on you/sipping your drink/trying to kiss you/actually kissing you without maybe paying for it. Oh yes. I caught a terrible cold. I think a major part of the problem was that I was not eating well at all. Here´s the conundrum - I am picky about meat and dairy. I don´t really like dairy most of the time. Sometimes it can be delicious, but usually it grosses me out. When you combine hot hot weather with strange foreign dairy tastes, it´s even worse. But the problem is that everything in most countries I have traveled to, including Brazil, contains dairy. Cheese. Everywhere. And if it doesn´t have cheese, it has meat. Meat meat meat. Everywhere. None of these things are especially easy to digest, or healthy, and therefore are completely unappetizing. I am seriously considering being a Skinny Bitch in the Kitch convert when I get home. (And remember I´m a Brown grad - there are environmental reasons as well - check it out.)

But veganism is impossible here. So I am trying to get by. But it´s not easy. Now - here´s where it gets tougher. The usual alternative to all of these cooked dishes containing meat and dairy is to order a salad. Or some fruit. Oh how I long for a delicious crunchy salad with a yummy olive oil based dressing. But, all of the uncooked fruits and vegetables in Brazil have been making me sick. Especially in remote areas like Jericoacoara and Morro de São Paulo. The produce has been in contact with the water, and the water is not good for the American stomach. HUGE problem. I have been so malnourished - Mom, I know you hate to hear it, but it´s true. So, when you combine the lack of strength with all of the saliva swapping, you end up with a very sniffly, congested, coughy, weak little chicken.

Oh, hahaha, and, I forgot to insert an important part of the story that I told two entries ago about my amazing beach run in Morro with wet sneakers. Well - I was so high on life after my run/sunset swim that you can imagine my excitement upon returning to beach 2 when I saw a capoeira gathering in full force. So amazing. The energy and excitement and sheer skill and talent is so beautiful. I watched for a moment, and then I saw my friend Isaac who said "You should have your camera, you need to tape this stuff!" and I said "You´re right!" So - I ran across the beach to my pousada and I ran down the tiled path past the pool, and as I neared the stairs...I slid into home base. Yeah. I totally and completely wiped out. So gracefully, it´s true, but I WIPED OUT. I landed right on my left hip and then right on my left elbow. I am so lucky - thank you God -that I did not break any bones because my trip would have been over. I definitely learned a lesson (that I will probably have to keep learning, but still) - pictures are not that important. Don´t run on wet tile. All of those things.

So by Sunday morning I have an achy body from my cold and an achy body from my fall and bags that are all together too heavy, and I hurt my back...poor Katie. Don´t feel too badly for me. What goes up must come down and then back up again - that´s what makes this whole thing real and the great moments so awesome! And, I have been recovering over the past few days in a lovely, adorable, charming historic town called Ouro Preto, which is in the hills of the state of Minas Gerais. It is darling. I am staying in a lovely restored pousada in a room with a view of the bustling street...there are at least ten gorgeous churches, treasures from the Baroque period, visible on every hilltop...the art inside of the churches is divine, lavished in the gold and other riches that were mined from this region in the colonial era...it is pretty fantastic. I am loving my book - an incredible collection of travelers´ tales from all over Brazil - highly recommended for anyone who has been to this special country or wants to know it. The internet cafe is closing - I must depart. I will be one with the night again tomorrow while barhopping in Belo Horizonte, and then I´m off to São Paulo to visit new friends for the weekend. Life is grand. Talk to you soon, bjs, K

Meanwhile, back in LA

I have the best friends and just want them to know how much I love and miss them!!!! And, of course, that goes for the incredible friends and family that I have in New York and the dirty jerz as well :)

Many people have asked me why I decided to travel alone, and why I decided to come to South America. This is a hard question to answer without feeling cliche. I think that the right answer is that I am traveling for the people I am meeting and human moments I am experiencing, not because of any grand vistas or pieces of architecture. I was starting to feel locked up in routine at home and was craving drama, romance, and heightened emotion. From what I had heard and read, South America is one of the best places in the world to get in touch with humanity because people are so open and expressive about their feelings, experiences, and love for life. And from what I´ve seen, they are members of their families and communities before they are single individuals. I am a headstrong American gal - nothing´s going to change that - and so I have struggled when expected to forsake my individualism for a group mentality. Even so, being a part of these group relationships has been incredibly enriching. As the only foreigner around, I feel like I have been let in on inner secrets that describe what makes South Americans so fulfilled, even though they don´t always have has many material riches as most Americans I know. They enjoy and love each other, far and wide. These experiences with people have confirmed, loud and clear, how incredible my own group dynamics are at home, and how lucky I am to have the faithful, loyal, insightful, stimulating, loving friends and family that I have. It will be such a gift to have you all back. xoxo

They say that there are nice beaches in Brazil...

Um...YEAH. There are. Yes there are. I spent the last few days recovering from Carnaval in another amazing utopic beach town that is amazing by Jericoacoara standards. This place is called Morro de São Paulo - it is on the island of Tinharé, about 20 minutes off the coast of Salvador by plane. However, instead of flying, we took the four hour long bus-boat-bus-boat route on Ash Wednesday beginning at 7AM after not sleeping a wink - still drunk from the last night of Carnaval - and in fact Carnaval was still going strong when we wearily dragged our bodies and our bags into the filthy street in the midst of the last thumping beats of axe and samba. It took a few hours for the hangover, or ressaca, to even rear its ugly head..."still drunk" more properly described my state of Carnaval-bliss mixed with the fact that my brain was still marinating in vodka. Yuck. But that´s why you go to a place like Morro to have the best four day ressaca of your life.

Morro is an adorable hilly village with sand streets and no cars. The only way to get your bags from the port to where you´re staying is to hire a wheelbarrow taxi! The streets are lined with restaurants, bikini shops, local art galleries, and pousadas. At night, lots and lots of vendors set up tables where they sell handmade jewelry, fresh juice and assorted cocktails, baked goods...you name it. I think that the village is pretty quiet during most of the year...but after Carnaval in Salvador it is the premier destination to enjoy your ressaca. So, you end up with a gathering of the most gorgeous party people you have ever seen. Seriously. The beaches on the island are uniquely numbered 1,2,3, and 4...and after checking into a pousada in town we quickly realized that beach 2 was the place to be. It´s like an all day party followed by an all night party...you just drink and dance and prance around on the beach 24 hours a day. So, needless to say, we changed pousadas and stayed right on beach 2.

I was traveling with Nelsinho and Betânea, and other friends of ours were staying in various locations around beach 2 as well. Nelsinho and Betânea are hilarious - the BEST people to travel with. Nelsinho and I can communicate really really well when you consider the fact that we each speak about 20 words in the others´ language. We like teaching words to each other. We totally suck at pronunciation. I can´t get the "ão" nasal sound that they have in Portuguese, and he can´t get hard consonants like "er". The most fun is trying to get Nelsinho to say "air conditioner." "Nelsinho - say er." "Oh." "No - er." "Oh." "ER." "OH." Hilarious.

Betânea is one of the most cheerful life-loving people on this planet - she also speaks English well, and so she has been the key translator for me - I am so indebted. We had a moment the other night when we realized that we knew some of the same English songs by heart, and we could sing together. Let me set the stage - first of all, the power on this island went off three times during our four day stay because the grid is not accustomed to having so many people here at once. I got made fun of but was totally appreciated as the prepared American traveler who had a flashlight. When the power goes out, everyone just kind of shrugs their shoulders and starts drinking. The entire beach, with all of the pousadas, restaurants, and bars, is lit by candlelight anyway. However, town is a little dark. Also, because stereos don´t work without electricity, the streets are not ringing with Carnaval music. You have an occasional singer with an acoustic guitar strumming out some Carlinhos Brown, but there are some quiet moments. So - we decided to make our own music as we skipped through the dark streets on our way back from dinner. Some key favorites - "Man - I feel like a woman!" by Shania Twain and "Torn" by Natalie Imbrulia. It is the most adorable thing ever to scream "Man shirts, short skirts!!" into the night with your new Brazilian best friend - and meanwhile you are looking at THE most perfect sky with a trillion stars, and you feel so far from home because half of the stars you´ve rarely seen before...and yet you are singing Shania karaoke.

I have been having so many crazy moments that are so new and so familiar at the same time. The stars in all of their glory keep me grounded - they remind me of my place in this universe, that I am so small in relation to the powers that be...and yet I am powerful enough to have put myself in this spectacular place. It is empowering and energizing to feel that I can have complete control over my own happiness, even though I am so small, and this world is so big. Or maybe it´s because I am so small, and this world is so big...like "hey world, don´t mind me as I go about my business having an incredibly fun and fulfilling life!"

Some of the best moments that I had in Morro were when I went on my sunset jogs up the beaches to beach 4, which is the farthest away and the most remote. When you are jogging you get so many waves and smiles from locals and foreigners alike. Because the tide was high on Friday evening, I was jumping onto the porches of a lot of the restaurants and pousadas on beach 3 to avoid getting wet - I was in my sneakers and had my ipod shuffle. I was sort of playing a game with the ocean to see how far I could go before having to turn around. At one point these local workers saw me and started laughing and egging me on. I saw this amazing crab that literally looked like it was the miniature model for the monsters in War of the Worlds, and it was having a great time getting bounced around by the waves. All of the people walking back from beach four were letting the warm water lap up their legs. And so I reached the tipping point and said screw it - my sneakers will dry - and I began to run and splash in the water, and it was such a release. It was exactly what I wanted and needed. It´s ok to get wet and sandy and dirty and roll around in the waves. The best part about this moment is that as soon as I went beyond this palm tree that was half submerged, I found two friends who I had made on the beach earlier in the day - Ana and Clarissa. I tied my ipod to the palm tree and went for a swim, and it was so fulfilling. I am having so much fun figuring out ways to be playful with my life. It is completely unbelievable that I have only been gone for three weeks - I have lived every day so fully and with so much intent that it seems as though I have been gone for months. On my way back to the pousada, the same local guys saw that I had gotten wet, and they laughed and cheered. One started playing capoeira with me - the best! So much fun!

My Brazilian friends have been joking that I attract all of the most handsome Latin men - and yes I mean drop dead gorgeous - because I am "new meat - white meat!" Yes, sadly I have not been passing for Brazilian as often here - several people have come up to me and just said "Hi" and not "Ola", etc. But nevermind. It´s good to be a foreigner sometimes. So - I´m the new white meat. After the phrase was coined, my Brazilian friends start making fun of me, squawking like chickens. This has a fun double meaning because a "chicken" in Brazil is someone who kisses a lot. Go figure. So, I´m their little white American girl chicken mascot. There are worse problems to be had, don´t ya think?

I will try to post again tomorrow to get all of you caught up on Belo Horizonte and Ouro Preto. Love you all! Bjs Bjs Bjs! ~Katie

A Fila Andou!

Carnaval, Carnaval...where to begin? First - I am so indebted to a dear friend of my Aunt Kathy named Helio. Helio was there the day I was born - in fact, I got my first limo ride on the way home from the hospital thanks to Helio. He has been so gracious and giving to me and my family throughout my whole life. When he found out that I was traveling in Brazil during Carnaval, he arranged to have me stay with his dear friend/surrogate son Nelsinho and friends. Nelsinho is so thoughtful and feels a deep sense of responsibility for me - it is so sweet and overwhelming. Nelsinho is kind of the jokester/class clown of the group - not that I can understand any of his jokes, but they´re funny anyway! The really special thing about the group that I stayed with is that most people only knew one or two other people before arriving at Carnaval. You would never ever know this - after two days it would seem as if everyone knew each other for years.

There is something special about Brazilian culture that allows people to open up and love each other so quickly. In the US we often feel like we need to "get to know someone" before we can love them, which in a deeper, long-term sense is true. However, we miss opportunities to care about people and show affection in the here and now, even if we don´t know whether we will see them again or stay in touch. There is a correlation between how near-strangers can bond so quickly and how Brazilians talk about love. They actually have two words for love, whereas in English we only have one. Adore is what they use to explain their love for most things - friends, food, music, dancing, life, etc. Amo is reserved for deep, true love - like the love that you have for your family, or the love you have for the person you want to marry. Because "amo" is reserved for the deep, true, serious stuff, they are free to spread "adore" to everyone and everything, far and wide. An example would be this amazing guy Chico, who lived in Salvador and only knew one person in our group. Chico drove me to his house to let me use the internet...he drove me to the mall so that I could fix my broken cell phone...he drove others around so that they could make Carnaval arrangements...he was such a gracious person. I have been so touched by Chico and others like him who I have met here in Brazil.

I shared an apartment in Salvador with three amazing single gals, as well as the most adorable, lovely couple ever. The girls were named Tati (say "Tachi"), Claudia (say "Clauginya"), and Betânea. The couple was André and Carol. There were two other Carols in our group as well, staying elsewhere, as well as another lovely girl named Luciana. In the apartment right above us, there were probably six or seven guys, including Nelsinho. (Apparently there was a bet up there about which one would kiss the American girl first - that cost all of them their chances.) Our apartments had incredible views of the end of one of the parade routes. We could hear the music until all hours of the night and watch the action from the balcony if we needed a break from the streets. Most importantly, we were spit out right in front of our building after the parades were over, so we didn´t have to walk through the streets to get home, which was such a relief.

The business of partying at Carnaval is, well, serious business. Tati epitomized this kind of commitment - I think that this year was her eighth Carnaval in Salvador. She knew exactly which parades (blochos) and VIP parties (camarotes) she wanted to go to, and mastered the skill of networking/negotiating/bartering to ensure that she could gain entrance. Entrance is basically gained by having the right t-shirt with the appropriate design and logo. Here´s how it works - starting on Ash Wednesday, a year before the next year´s Carnaval, the t-shirts start going on sale. These on-sale dates continue throughout the year. Local people camp for days to buy the shirts at retail prices. Essentially ALL of the actual purchases of the shirts by the people who will attend these events occur on the black market. However, the black market is incredibly organized - it blew my mind. On last Friday morning, we drove to this stadium somewhere in the city, and all of the vendors had stalls set up where you could pick up the shirts that you ordered on the internet. Outside, there are cash sales and trading going on. At one point, Tati traded two shirts and some additional cash to get a shirt for the best parade - Chiclete com Banana, performing on the electric trio (sound truck) with the best sound.

There are hundreds (or maybe more) of events that you need a shirt to gain entrance to. Imagine - six days times four parade routes times maybe 30 parades per route per day, plus VIP areas lined up along the perimeter of all of the routes on both sides of the street. So - there are hundreds of thousands of people wearing these shirts at any one time, plus even more people in the streets because they can´t afford to pay - they call the crowded rowdy streets the "popcorn." The shirts add a collegiate sort of aspect to all of the fun - you sort of feel like you are on the same "team" as the people wearing the same jersey as you - not a surprising system to have developed in a country that is obsessed with the beautiful game - the dance, the opera - that is soccer.

Something that you quickly learn when you are attending Carnaval with hip, fashionable Brazilian girls is that you never leave the house in an unaltered shirt. The shirts are cut for men and are usually way too big. Some of the best times we had were using scissors to cut and tie our shirts into cute halter tops, tube tops, cropped tops, etc. Claudia was the master of this art form, as was one of the Carols, who works in fashion and actually used a sowing machine to create the perfect style. So adorable!

You might be wondering why I chose to attend Carnaval in Salvador instead of Rio. In Rio, Carnaval is essentially a competition between all of the major samba schools that parade in beautiful costumes, dance and play music, and then are judged and ranked. You can sometimes pay to dance with the samba schools, but usually you are in the popcorn. The VIP areas are really exclusive and expensive and not always where the young/hip/fun crowd goes. The streets in Rio are really really really dangerous during Carnaval - people die every year.

Salvador is where Brazilians go when they want to have a "Spring Break/American Pie" kind of Carnaval. (It was so funny when they used those words to describe it to me.) In Salvador, the VIP areas (camarotes) are amazing too, and a huge party - I´m talking 100% open bar with servers walking around, all you can eat appetizers, sandwiches, pasta, sushi...some had free internet access, massages, hair stylists...nightclubs inside playing techo and house...live bands inside and access to the beach...so so so incredible. But, the real reason to come to Salvador is that you essentially are the parade - you´re not watching, you´re creating the magic yourself! The music is completely infectious - the genre is called Axe (say "ashay"), and it´s a blend of energetic Latin sounds with African beats. A friend of a friend told me that I would feel so passionately about this music by the end of the week, and he was right. I don´t even know what I´m singing half the time, and I can´t imagine what it must be like for Brazilians who are constantly uniting in the meaning of this music. The lyrics make you feel so great: "I´m single!" "Smash everything!" "She is too good!" "I´m from all the world!" The raw energy in the blochos is the most exhilerating atmosphere I have ever been a part of. I felt so passionate about everything in front of me and everything in my life. I felt so good to be me - I felt so desired and I felt so much desire. I felt like I never wanted to stop singing, dancing, smiling, kissing, hugging, laughing...NEVER! I will carry that feeling with me and will never forget.

That´s all I will say. What happens at Carnaval stays at Carnaval, right?!

When in Brazil, do as the Brazilians do, and so I send love love love to all of you. xoxo, Katie

Eu estou com meu namorado. Ele e forte!!

So if there is one phrase in Portuguese that you cannot survive Carnaval without, it is this: "Eu estou com meu namorado. Ele e forte!!" - I am with my boyfriend. He is strong!! Everyone had been telling me about the Brazilian men before I arrived, but this situation is really not something that you can comprehend until you experience it in person. Carnaval is a perfect storm of carnal lust where every man on the street is out to kiss as many women as they possibly can. It is completely crazy. There is no asking. There are no introductions. You literally have to duck, block, hurdle...I feel like I am learning capoeira in mastering the skills of avoiding a sweaty embrace from an undesirable partner. I am not properly communicating the intensity of this one million strong kiss fest, but multiply whatever you are imaging by ten and you will be somewhere in the ballpark.

INTENSITY. That is the word that first comes to mind when trying to figure out how to explain Carnaval to all of you. Extreme. The most joyous celebration of life I have ever encountered. The most outrageous expression of human vice. The most devastating display of loneliness, confusion, poverty, and depravity. An unbelievable amount of wealth, pomp and circumstance.

Carnaval is a full-on Monet. When you step back and soak up the sights and sounds of millions of people dancing, lights flashing, music pumping, it´s hard to feel better about being alive. Up close it´s pretty different - it´s a mess. The rich are separated from the poor - and there are many many more poor people - in gated off VIP areas. You are safe once you are inside, but getting there is a different story. Men were literally grabbing me as I walked. As a woman, you don´t know if they´re trying to assault you or steal from you, but neither is good. There is an undeniable correlation between wealth and race - the legacy of slavery is extreme. There are poor black people everywhere - crawling in the mud trying to pick up as many beer cans as possible...trying to sell anything they can on the side of the street...being the human barriers around the parades that keep their family and friends, and others who are just as poor, on the outside. If you can afford to buy your way into one of the parades, you enjoy Carnaval in relative safety for several hours as you dance the parade route among the electric trios. It is an incredible experience - I danced danced danced!! - but I can´t ignore the faces of the people on the sidelines. The wealthy are literally parading their circumstances in front of the poor.

The dilemma is that you can´t cast your wealth aside - it literally is not safe. NO ONE has a camera at Carnaval. NO ONE has a bag. It is a crazy experience to know that, despite my intelligence and resourcefulness, I can´t make it here on my own. I can´t smile at the little barefoot kid walking by because she will see me as a target the moment I make eye contact. It´s wild. You feel completely surrounded by people uniting in their love for music, dance, and celebration, but you know that it´s the jungle and everyone is out for themselves, just trying to survive. Everyone is the hunter and everyone is the hunted. We´re hunting for very different things - money, food, sex, lust, power, safety, emotional stimulation - but we are united in our desperation.

So - I have a deep sense of personal conflict about my privilege, here more than ever. However, I know that I cannot reconcile these feelings here because I do not have the power to combat the streets of Salvador alone. For now, I need to keep thinking, writing, feeling, dancing, crying. I am enjoying myself more than I can explain - I will try when I write again by giving more amazing details about what life is like on the inside. I know that personal challenges lie ahead and that I am up to the task. I believe that I am strong enough to not take my life for granted.

Feeling loved and blessed. Miss you all. CARNAVAL! Beijos, Katie

Welcome to the Jungle

WHOA!! I am in the MIDDLE of one of the VIP areas (aka cameroces) in the MIDDLE of Carnaval!!!!!! All you can handle booze/food/internet access/misting fans/AMAZING music/sweat/love. xxxxxx

Into the Wild

The bus ride back to Fortaleza from Jericoacoara was wild! When I arrived at the "bus station" (understatement) in the pitch dark I met Kelly and Lou from San Francisco - I had no idea that there were other Americans around. They helped me onto the open air bus with gates as doors. We sat squished between our luggage when the lights went out, and off we went on a bumpy one hour ride through the sand dunes. We crossed over streams and rocked our way through the sand - the ocean was thrashing around 30 feet to the left. The girl sitting to my right had a head scarf on that was billowing in the wind, and with that image, all of a sudden it seemed like we were travelers from a different time, riding through the night in a covered wagon, or in a carriage pulled by horses...at one point we pulled to a screeching halt because there was a herd of wild cows blocking the road and surrounding us on either side.

I spent ´part of the ride in silence and observation, and the rest in conversation with Kelly and Lou. I was asking them where they had been, and where they were going. They were asking me the same. I realized that this kind of exchange is how travelers´ tales have gotten passed along over the ages - in dark taverns, while sharing a wagon through the night, while riding the same bus. On a human level we do the same thing that travelers did many years ago, before there were guide books and the internet - we ask questions, share stories, share advice, go where the wind takes us, and wish each other well. Kelly was telling me about visiting Jericoacoara 12 years ago when she was doing her solo trip through South America - just like me. The village was much smaller back then, and also Rio was just as dangerous - she recounted being held at gun point while riding a taxi. I felt invigorated by how strong and brave I was in Rio, and about how brave I feel now. All of this with the ocean waves crashing to the left, and the open fields and dunes lit up by lightning as far as the eye can see to the right, with the cows in the middle of it all. The best part is that I love where I was coming from and I know that I will love where I am going - CARNAVAL!!! Stay tuned...beijos, K