Saudade

Saudade. What is this mysterious Brazilian word all about anyway? I had heard about saudade before I even came to Brazil - always accompanied by "You can`t translate it." OK, so what does that mean? Maybe there´s no word in English that directly corresponds, but surely it can be defined in a sentence, right? Sure.

If you are going to Brazil, be forewarned: when you come back home, if you do, you will have added a few special words to your emotional vocabulary. You will join us in the group that knows the feeling yet cannot explain the meaning of the word...saudade. If you can explain it, you`ve made a poor translation. It has a place of its own, it changes you more than your vocabulary.

If you haven`t been somewhere but yearn to see it, you may be getting a glimpse of saudade. It means longing for someone or something, more or less in the realm of "I miss you," in English. Yet, it carries more than longing, more than missing. Yearning...a hole carved in one´s heart, a feeling which stands on its own as much as it permeates one´s whole being...It simply cannot be translated.

A Brazilian person has saudade or feels saudade. "Tenho saudades do Brasil" or "Sinto saudades"...portraits of a melancholic yet sweet longing. It transports me there when I say it.
-Neise Cavini Turchin, "Longing for Brazil."


Longing. Pining. Loss. My whole body knows that I have left Brazil.

Brazil feels like oxygen to me. It feels like a life-force, like a necessity for life. Brazil made me feel alive, more than ever. It gave me the most human moments that are to be had. It gave me love and friendship and life on the edge with enough risk to give you goosebumps that remind you that you are mortal, and that you need other people. I already knew that I need other people - relationships make the world go ´round - but Brazil gives you people who have the time and the heart to be your people...even if just for a week, or a day, or a moment.

The other night in Sao Paulo, my friend Fabio asked me what I will miss most about Brazil. I answered that in Brazil, people are not afraid to feel love, even if they know it´s not for forever. They are not afraid to cross that line, even if they know the moment will pass. They don´t think logically, as in "What´s the point of connecting with this American girl if I might never see her again?" No. Here, every moment is worth it. Let´s make this moment mean something, together. And then, when we part, let´s share in the moment and the feeling and the yearning of that loss. Let´s pine after that moment together, even when we are apart. Let us relish in saudade...together. It´s worth it. That is what I love about Brazil, and that is what I miss about Brazil...love and saudade start feeling the same. It is in the longing that we feel love, and in longing we come back again...it is in the ebb and flow that we feel alive.

So, to my Brazilian friends...endless thanks to all of you for this gift. I love you all, and I promise - I will come back again.

E SAUDADE QUE BATE NO MEU CORAÇÃO. -Jamil

The saudade that beats in my heart. Love always, Katie